CASH!

Satirical Skit from Joe Reilly

Joe Reilly, Literary Club

Have you ever wanted an easier way to spend money? Have you spent hours searching your pockets for spare change, only to realize you only have your debit card? And how about that pesky credit score that wouldn’t let you take out a loan for your new sports car?

Introducing— CASH! It’s the new and improved cold hard way to pay for the things you love! Based on the revolutionary gold standard, it can be acquired much easier than credit! 

Just take a listen to these easy sources:

Drugdealing!

The Black Market!

Under the table wages!

Other people’s wallets!

The list goes on!

The perks don’t stop there— unlike the bartering of the past and similar to the credit cards of today, cash has no real physical value!

That’s right! It’s all made up!

I’ll say it again! “It’s all made up!”

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

These hardy pieces of paper also are tough as nails, able to stand up to extreme conditions from their enhanced woven fibers! It won’t stop you from burning them though! So waste as you want!

Note: The ways listed are in no way representative of dependable ways to earn cash, if you contacted us we might be able to assist you in those specific ways. Legally we cannot encourage those actions and assume no responsibility for our words and the actions resulting.

SO GET CASH! THE NEW WAY TO SPEND!